I never

i never want to see another child
with a mark of hate on their face
with fear in their eyes
with a scream on their lips
and a hatred of themselves
a thought in their minds that they deserve it all

i never want to see another woman
with scars on her heart and soul
battered, bleeding, alone
unable to scream from the damage done
by a man, or men, in the dark or the light
by her father or her brother
by society, by the world
by her lover or her husband
by the mother who sat on her hands
and never stopped the harm

i never want to see another teen
with scars on their arms, legs, body
from a razor blade in the bathroom
brought on by the desire
for their inner pain to be released

i never want to see another person
mocked for who they love or the color of their skin
or how they dress
what gender they have come to understand they are
what foods they do not eat
what they read, watch, or do for fun
who they sleep with

i never want to hear another person say
that a woman is nothing
that a girl is a slut for saying yes
or a prude for saying no
that a boy is queer
because he cried
or gay because he hugged his friend
because he loves someone

i never want to hear another excuse
that we have freedom of speech
that they are different
that she shouldn't have done it
that she was asking for it
that he was just being a man
that boys will be boys
that they are guilty because they're not white

i am sickened by humanity
by the cruelty
by the hate
by the refusal to accept what is different
by the assumption that they are lying
by the death, by the simple inherent evil
by the excuses

take a look at history
glance through the pages that detail time
and tell me that things have been fixed
for a woman, for a person with dark skin
for anyone who is not
a straight, white,
man.



(c) 2013

The Way

the way you blink, slowly
the way you laugh, at me, at yourself
the way we can understand each other, from a glance
you showed me how to laugh when i was sad,
weeping wounds on my side,
you took the knife away,
said, you're okay.

the way you move, gently, graceful
the way you kiss, sweetly,
the way you light me up, afire, ablaze
you gave me a new outlook,
opened my eyes, wiped the tears away,
kissed me better,
now i really am okay.




(c) 2013

Snow

falls down, pretty, white
settles in your hair, featherlike
melts into tiny pinpricks, droplets
on your skin, glimmering
in the half light, you're shining

how many angels on the head of a pin
how many snowflakes will collect on your skin
let me breathe you in
let me breathe you in

snowy silence closing in, breathless, cold
moonlight glowing vright as day,
wind-tossed handfuls, laughing, playful
tiny footprints in the snow, mine, yours,
side by side.


(c) 2013

Frozen

there, far down, below the stars
given form, breath of cold
frozen hard and feather soft
brittle, broken with a sigh

rime on buds and petals
flowers burst to life on window panes
threads to weave a starry coat
glimmer in a candle's flame

scatter diamonds through the leaves
brush them with a finger, melt
touch them with a beam, light, glow
throbbing, tiny, stars on earth

shimmer, shimmer, ice and storm
fare thee well, cold, frozen stars
wake the sun
watch them fade



(c) 2013

Violation

it's not the chains that bind
not the dark as it envelops
not the screams behind the prison walls
nor the singing in the church

it's not the ever-present movement
of time and tide and lives
not the creaking of the stairs
not the shaking of your head
not the no, frozen on your lips
not the blood on the floor

it's not the finality of days
when night comes, and the dark presses in
not a violation of peace
not a thread of hope
not a dream

it's not the cries of the young
when revelation pours in
not the desolation
not the cruelty
not the lack of humanity

it's just a condition, a clause if you will
all that is done, done again
undone, unraveled, unpicked
left alive, left broken
it's the curse of mankind
it's inevitable


(c) 2013

The Wanderer

these times are running on
sadly spoken by a thousand tongues
have you lost your sense of time,
down there in the darkness?

summertime is come and gone
down by the banks
there's nothing to be done
there's a boundary
i know your soul was kissed away

don't tell me it's all done
the dawn is broken
everyone's gone
you're my savior

pawns on a lightless board,
travel on, travel, on,
hope to change with the tide
the ocean's dry

my religion got kissed away
i can't wait for the next time
you're real to me



(c) 2012

Veritas

in vino veritas
said the monk to the king
offered a goblet of dark red drink

in vino veritas
sang the spinster to her love
and sipped her last of the world above

in vino veritas
sighed the robber's bride
and breathed in slowly of the pale white in the barrel


(c) 2013

Suicide

the night
the night's hold softens,
the delicate curve of a blade
glimmering in the twilight,
sharpened steel - tiny dagger
hammer stroke and anvil
hot as a furnace, cooler than kiln
stroking light, the finger of a lover
separates gently, skin from skin

the day
the day warms sundered flesh
the seeping wounds of nighttime
blessed by the evening dewy cold,
scabbed over, still bleeding...
sluggish now,
life on concrete, spilling out
pouring over, blades and words
cutting deeper, deeper
sever life from bone


(c) 2013

Painted

all the days of life
and nights of eternity
spent alone or among
the endless rustle of insanity
useless, interred, gentled by nothingness
perhaps i'll wake up
wings clipped, i'll fly
mutilated by my own queen
and my songbird silent
did i tell you i was a ghost?
left painted on a mirror's glass
say my name,
say my name and end my night
spent alone, so alone
with the dead


(c) 2013

Mirage

a tiny prism on your lashes

blinked into oblivion 

like a tear the size of a spider’s footprint

throwing rainbows on your cheeks

won’t you tell me what you’re thinking of

perchance the tiny raindrops misting down

faces in the rain, laughing and killing 

the uneven streets tripping your feet

tiny prisms throwing shapes 

a hint of a hand, of a finger or foot 

I see them severed in the rain suspended, 

droplets like blood, breathtaking, beautiful, a wall of mirage 

won’t  you tell me what you’re thinking of 

thus, so, the clouds rain down upon our heads 

images of terror, seen in the night 

bared to the light of day 

and so the clouds bleed upon us,

a tiny prism in your lashes 

throwing rainbows on your cheek, 

smallest speck of imagined blood 

I should welcome you to my madness and yet, 

the clouds are bleeding for the both of us

(c) 2013

Always

i pour out my soul on paper
in words you've heard a thousand times
i want you to hear them
in a thousand different languages, sung to the sky
always for you
always for you
the years i've fled,
down the roads to hell
and the tears i've shed,
in remembrance of what i had
i've spent my years searching
always for you
always for you
it's not easy to explain,
but i'll try my best
when i chase a memory
when i gaze off into the distance
proclaim i think of nothing
it's never anything bad,
it's always you
always you
i had a castle in the sky
where i could sit and dream
always of you
i fell through the clouds
trying to change
realizing you love me as i am
and my tears should dry
it's all for you
all for you


(c) 2013

Nothing

they say that nothing comes from nothing
but i had nothing
nothing given, nothing gotten
emptiness and incarnadine
what is now, what was then
and all the in-betweens
i've made a mistake, then another and more
i've left my harbor, made for your shore
i've given up my nothing,
all i want is dreaming
i've looked in all the wrong places
but now i have you

they say that nothing comes from nothing
and everything is something
but i've been less than nothing, and evermore
but now i have you
give me a purpose, a deal
give me a truth, proof, feel
give me your heart for mine
in this emptiness and incarnadine
but now i have you
and i want nothing more
it's easy to forget, but not to forget
the past grips too tightly
but now i have you.


(c) 2013

Mia Bella

i want to tell you something
a word, perhaps a monologue
i want to tell you a story, of the day i fell in love
i was sitting in a coffee shop
a tiny, gorgeous coffee shop
waiting for an old friend i'd never met
a tall willow goddess, kissed by fire
i never thought i could, but hey i did
it just took a kiss, sitting on a ledge
over water and listening to a wish on the air
i could always breathe with you, i always can
in the morning, you sigh and smile like
it's your first day on earth
with you i can gentle my heart, when you make me wild
you give me my glory days
and i can only try to return them in kind
i was drinking nothing, too scared to sip
i saw your eyes, your blushing smile
i'd waited so long
all i wanted, in that second
was to kiss you on the first of may, with ribbons in your hair
you make me sing again, and dance in the rain
make my heart heal - i had too much pain
nowadays i don't remember
the terrors in the night, not when you're near me
i would spend the days of my life with you
the years of my heart's beating thrum
i've fallen, moth to a flame
gods above you give me a reason, a reason to live
days and nights sleepless, words and thousands of words
you know me better than i know myself
and i love the picture you've painted
i would give you the sweetest dreams, darling
until the day we fall into the cold, hard ground
and plant bloodred tulips on our grave


(c) 2013

Waves of...

there was no beginning
no ending near in sight, simple continuation
a road on and on until the completion
spaced evenly-the road signs
tell you stay, go, stop, no...
until they all fall down
a breath of what could be
if all the world could cry
tears like an ocean, or the ocean like tears
waves of sorrow
for the beginning's end
and what could never be


(c) 2013

Waiting softly

the girl sitting in the cafe
sipping slowly, so slowly
it's good for the soul
she can't help but smile, sigh, be sad
staring out a window with no glass
the passersby - the same old faces
an old friend, a tottering drunk
and the man she heard play drums
in an old band, in her childhood...when,
the springtime traced across her cheeks
she misses him
she's waiting for him
there's a woman she knew from somewhere
beautiful, sad, a voice like a mavis
a baby on her hip and a sparkling eye
she's singing, Hallelujah
she can't help but smile, cry, laugh...
it's good for the soul


(c) 2013

Rome

it was as if nothing had ever existed
who am i tonight, tomorrow or yesterday?
strange days and stranger nights,
spooked from the corpses, such scavengers
the tang of gunpowder in the air
shadows growing, ever longer

blank and broken - shattered by nothing
you're in the danger zone, a sweet destination
i can hear your rejoicing
gagging, choking, spitting out your venom
there are no magic words to save you

you sigh so prettily when your cigarette burns low
stubbing it out in the palm of your hand
just an excuse for pain
a wedding of heart and soul, musical, innocent
i remember your gasp of pleasure
sinfully exotic, touched by fire

you've always reminded me of fair Italy
burnished gold by a setting sun
unbowed you, you hold on, unbent, cling...and so broken,
your eyes speak of untold nights
where a mellow breeze kissed you
and tears made their way down your cheeks

the shirtless man on the bicycle waved to you
all you could do was cry and tell me
about your last lover, and how, like Rome,
you fell.
trembling in the cold night air, saying No...
he refused to listen.

(c) 2013

Wishes

glassine, shimmering, half-lighted wishes
mounds, piles, heaps of words
i wish, i wish, i wish, wish, wish, wish
lips tremble to expel them
and what is more, they lack the fortitude
to come true, truest, truant wishes
piled in a corner, chips and fragments, mile-high
in a room with no view
wish, wish, wish, giants, monsters and men
don't tell me about your women
sighs, sorrows, forget-me-not wishes
don't tell me about your wilderness thoughts
it's a lack of fidelity, innocence
too many mirrors
i wish, i wish, i wish, wish, wish, wish


(c) 2013

Lose

caught in darkness nigh on death
solitary slumbering in utter blackness
emptiness, a void
dancing on the edge of falling
crying out a single word
echoes of a departed soul
all of this and nothing, but everything and something
what to do with all i have
and all i've had to lose

another thing, an amoeba
a lifelike semblance of culture
single-celled, inorganic, manufactured
round, around it goes
this thing, to remain in motion
feeds, feeds, continually gorging itself
on others' emotions
 

(c) 2013

Smouldering

they say you paid for me
cash for kisses, dime and dollar
each time i could i said yes
pennies for my troubles and they get
darling they get to stare
down the barrel of a smoking gun
each time i could i said yes
slipping under sheets, satin and silk
paid you in gold and love
you spend so much time thinking
and they say you paid for me
gave soul and heart, life for me
i wasn't asking you for a solution
i was asking for sympathy

dime and dollar, paid upfront
watching you sigh and gaze into the distance
down the barrel of a smoking gun
i'll always say yes, to the love that we swore
your heart is my bible
and they tell me you paid for me
silk, satin and gold
love, you're my devil

with your lips and your smile
i feel as if i could dive down
deep into your eyes
i'd sacrifice a life for you
my life for you, love would be the devil
smouldering

there's a song in my heart for you
and a quiver in my soul
i pretend i could make amends
but they say you paid for me
gave soul and heart, hope for me
i'm not asking you for a declaration
not a sonnet
don't say you want me, that you need me
that you love me...
it's no good - you bought me
i have all the time in the world
it's written in the stars
it's understood


(c) 2013

Waves

until the waves
rolling over still water
hush the shores that time forgot
with simple, salty kisses
along the pebbled line
softly, softly, gentle
passing in the shallows of a mind
hidden in the nowhere
where the devils romp
bitter with the tide
softly, softly, gentle
lonesome travellers fight
over their hidden prize
the waves hush the shores
and the depths of the water
softly hold


(c) 2013

Pinprick

you have your eyes in the wrong place
staring out of the back of your mind
contemplate and regenerate
your life is a suicide case

drifting ghosts and long walks at night
crack and break beneath the weight of the past
that kiss was your last

sorrow and a silence
a heart too big for your soul
a tiny life, pinprick
don't do it, i beg you

last time was the first time
for waking in the night
crying, screams and blood on your hands
i do believe i love you

all your cracks and sad eyes
add up in my mind
to create a perfection so flawed
sanity is overrated and waiting for the wheel
gets you nowhere


(c) 2013

Take

i feel like my heart
beating. beating, deep within
too big, it's too big for my chest
i can't hold it in

take my heart
take it. take it, it's yours anyhow
i ask you, share my burden
these moments alone
together

you've given me yours
trust. trust in me, and i you
fantastical creatures, both
scarred and marred by time and love
our stories

two and one, the same
differences proclaimed, contained
so much tortured gentleness
firelight and wrists above our heads
so close and yet not touching
closer now

hearts entwined
what more to ask, in limbo
two worlds shared
in limbo

(c) 2013

Passing The Torch: a short story

the keys to the kingdom rested in the palm of a mere mortal, so silent and still he had no breath to stand. he was weak with waiting for his heir to wake from sleep - a thousand nights and dawns spent kneeling on the marble steps, as flesh fell to dust and his son's bones were bare with time and white from his father's careful polishing.
muscle connects to bone, bone to blood and marrow...but his son refused to wake - he was incomplete, wrist severed at the base, flung aside after the fighting was done, to gently rot in a lonely gully beside the bare dirt track that ran through a meadow, long ago, when the species that had, so recently become Mankind was still young. the man stayed by his son's side, the keys clinking with every movement, suspended on their chain.
all too soon the rains of winter came to wash the ashes from his mausoleum and chase the spiders from their webs.
the devotion of the man far outweighed his shivering flesh, the fire within warming him as a city began to be built close by. two years passed thus, until the man quite lost his will to live, refusing the small meal his daylight-scented daughter brought him each day. in its stead he asked his locksmith's tools be brought, and sat there upon the steps, slowly crafting the most delicate final hope he possessed: a hand of shining golden keys, the kingdom's keys that would open the seven locks of the great chamber of clockwork that lay deep within the earth. days passed, and the hand was soon finished, tiny nerve-like wires threaded through the smallest gears and most graceful keys.
the final day, the man called his sun-drenched daughter to his side and weakly, shakily, tremblingly arose from the dessicated cushion on the marble steps, to fit the hand to the severed wrist of his son.
completed. finished. rain fell about them as the ashes rose to form flesh once more, and the torch was passed from father to son.

(c) 2013

Blood Red

 you're an artist
and all you paint is red
 red as a sea of blood
lapping at your feet when you walk
 this oasis
i'm blind with this blood i shed
 this ceremony
ending what could have been to
 what is this?
i'll just spend my life in my head
 retracing scars
turning them blood red
 you're an artist
paint me a portrait
 bloody with its brilliance
i'll provide the paint
 just give me a moment
reopen my scars
 dip the brush and heal me



(c) 2013

Seeing Ghosts

i still see your ghost
entrapped in the window shades
sighing silent in the sweet, sweet air
your mind, where is your mind
sitting still within your aged flesh

i still see your ghost
the kiss that never ends,
lips upon a window  chased in dew
marked forever with a dying breath

you linger on, and on, and on,
gentle in the deep
i miss your eyes

i still see your ghost
where you loved to walk,
dancing in the streetlamps lining the roadways
palm against the water
ripples spreading

i still see your ghost
such a rambling, wavering, sultry figure
waiting by the edge of the water
i miss you

you linger on, and on, and on,
soaring softly in my mind
graceful sighs
i miss you


(c) 2013

Stars

gentle, sugar, step soft
the stars could break
walk slow, angel
you never know what's beneath your feet
what you see, what i see
running, running by us still
flowing into a thousand shapes
step soft...the stars could break
oh my angel how you fly
all the seams of time fractured
past and present mingle
spending the rest of my life in my head
lost, i'm lost, walk soft
the stars could shatter


(c) 2013

Two Minds

tumbling dancers
in reds and blacks
gyrating and impossibly twisted
twisted not unlike the hearts of mankind

movement in the glow of streetlamps
your footsteps echo on the silent cobbles
tiny stones displaced, clatter
walking, walking,

the music in the background
pulsing to the silent rhythm in your bones
shambling steps follow, follow, follow
vanish

i love you, perhaps
so much loneliness in the room
my dark corner, full of ancient cries
echo, echo, echo...stop

the dancers
sliding and bending
whirling on the ballroom floor
entwined and moving
but simply together
spinning


(c) 2013

Nightmare

haunting me, this graveyard
bone-yard, when mass is over
walking like a wraith
dreams repentant

talking in my sleep,
falling down the rabbit hole,
wake up, Alice
no

the price paid, and paid
for something i never did
why to be so punished
and made to cry

this nightmare grips me tight
a punishment in my own mind
please no, please no, please,
i swear i didn't!

the drums are beating
dance, girl, dance
MOVE girl move
shake those hips and make me proud

hypnotized, laid bare,
this nightmare kisses my lips with screams
and still it holds me tight
let me go, let me go,
wake up, Alice
no


(c) 2013

Breathe

i notice i don't breathe much
air rushing in
so slowly, aching
shallow as a thread of water
trickling down a stone

i notice i don't breathe much
save for those times
when i must
gasping, pulling
that sweet, sweet liquid

i notice i don't breathe much
but when i need
that molecule elixer
to smooth the way
in, out, in, out,
hypnotic


(c) 2013

My Time

my time
my time, now and forever
what more and what less?
my time
my time spent like a penny for a song
over and over, the jar's half full
my time,
my time, given, given over to you
for joys so brief and a smile
my time
a penny for a song, my hope
my hope that wavers like a tiny flame
waiting for an errant breeze to snuff it out
my time
have you ever fought with blades?
swords crossed, repost, lunge
my time is the tip of an epee
flicking, flicking, hitting targets
my time
my words kiss like that metal blade
thoughtless, thoughtless, unthinking,
choking back and spitting out
fire to save matches
and i meant no harm
but dealing poison thorns
the cost is just too much
goodbyes and sorrows
not thinking is just too hard
perhaps it's time
to surrender
to my time


(c) 2013

Vision

i had a vision
of a lie
twisting agony and
burning glory
i only weep at goobyes
when i feel despair
when i care too much
and let me tell you

i had a vision
of goodbye
twisted in a misty haze
and by all gods
i cried

i had a vision
in a dream
of sighs and suffering
bent and broken souls
weeping

i know my vision
weeping silent
was of a thread
possibility
it's a chance
not going to happen
so now i'll cry
of joy

(c) 2013

Yesterdays

yesterday, oh yesterday
that time of hidden, far off memories
this and that stuck far away
we left our love in yesterday

your love is like a hand-me-down
she sings of nothing true
anger replenished in silences
yesterday, oh yesterday
perhaps all the years of yesterdays

open wide, open wide, let me inside
dry your eyes on the fabric of yesterday
what was lost, ressurected
and driven through the times

it's a wild love i feel, hidden
buried in concrete and bone
unbidden it rises, forcing my words
crying out what it desires
it fills my yesterdays



(c) 2013

Nevermore

sharp as needles on soft skin
soft as silk and satin's drape
close as atoms within a heartbeat
delightful in its gentleness

us and them

slipping under your skin
thoughtless as a mockingbird
that word you use

old news

there was a pain in the heart
tight and lethal
unknown and unwelcome

never again

sharp as knives against fingertips
soft as a kitten's breath
close as electrons circling a nucleus
delightful in its innocence

us and them

slipping past the barriers
tearing down your walls
amber brick by tiny pearl

old history

there was a moment where nothing mattered
empty and soulless
undesired and unasked

nevermore

sharp as thorns against the wrist
soft as velvet
close as muscle fibers knit
sweet in its inexperience

us and them
old demons from the past
unspoken
trust me


(c) 2013

Point

roller coasters, but simple
walking back and forth in a mind
searching for the reason
my treason hanging darkly
a has-been, i suppose
parking meters, crying eyes
taking down the time till it's all cut off
drip-drop-tick-tock
why

i've been a blind fool before
taking, testing, waters of fooled
unthinking
but not this

it was reflexive, a simple phrase
but it snowballed and not unfixable,
shattered past the point
someone could be screaming and i couldn't hear them
oversimplified to wake up
to feel alright
to know that, hey it's all fixed
to realize that i could have been happier

but now, this trust i set into a stranger
this mediocre wall of i can'ts and hidden wants
it hid too well and now

now i suppose it's done

turning back time isn't something that happens here
no matter how hard we wish it could
that's a thing of storybooks we outgrew
that's not the sighs of weeping girls in the nighttime
that's just bare reality

(c) 2013

But...

are you trusting me
with your heart, that kind heart
i've spent days by the window
dreaming of your eyes

i won't do what i'm told
i won't keep you safe because you want it
i won't help you through the storm
but i'll be a rock you can cling to
but i'll never let you go

are you trusting me
but what now, weary days
stretching past and a bright spark
bathing in the sunlight
moths and flames

i can't give you everything
i can't sink their ships for you
i can't help you live
but i'll be the reef they run aground on
but i'll hold you close

i'm scarred and scared
eager to know what's real
a frightened rabbit in the bushes
startled by a snapping twig

i've learned my lessons
i've done my time
i've dreamed of the world outside my mind
but still i love


(c) 2013
 

Focus

they're the ghosts, in the houses
misty...out of focus in a dream
a half moon dream

they wail in the light
letting go, sighing in dissolution

we are the ghosts, in the houses
dreaming, our own worlds dissolved
that one sound above all

coupling dark with light, transforming
black to grey

spinning into the sun, an impulse

electromagnetism, attraction, desire
outside the fire, within but without
vicariously living, breathing

we are the ghosts, in the waters
troubled, sinking down in our sorrows

what is? what is?
what is true?

(c) 2013 

Two

lets dance in a whirlwind
leaves stirred in our passing,
tiny firefly lights
glowing gently, sweetly, softly,
in the dusk
we're only two, but that's all we need
all the world, and we're only two
dreaming the stars into the sky
shining, in our world
dancing


~for Christian~

Together

we could worry, for so long
about what our minds would think
should our lips speak

but let us live, these weary moments
when the world pauses

together

what would we be, such simplicity
oh what would we need

life among the clouds
underwater love...sipped slowly, an aperitif
the summer could shine us away
in this fog, as this fog
becomes us

together


(c) 2013

Stronger

we're dreaming in the spring
of sighs and sorrows and songs we couldn't sing
could you ever understand,
the day you took my hand
why time moved so slowly, and the day never seemed to end
why the dreams we shared
cried out in an agony
when she came along?

oh what's-her-name, the vindictive thief
the dreamer of so many dreams
take him, take him, sweetest
I wish you well...I wish you ill
oh my love, how could you be so weak?

you have a sensual soul, waiting to come free
when can we sing together of our dreams
i dream of you in daylight, when there's nothing else but time
i sing those songs we couldn't sing that time
i gaze over a starlit city,
perhaps I'll change your mind

you don't want it...refusing
you crave it...curiosity
you have the heart to say no, but not the soul to say yes

perhaps my heart shouldn't skip a beat
when you look into my eyes
perhaps i should be stronger

oh my love I wish you well
oh my love I wish you ill
oh my love


(c) 2013