Black Eyed Queen

razor blades and daisy chains
and people stop and stare
at the girl in the black dress
lying on the spiral stairs

who is that girl you never noticed before?
what was her name?
what made her smile?
truly smile, not that Mona Lisa grin?
let the show begin

there were tiny monsters in her dreams
tiny, ageless fears with sallow skin
the low light gave them freedom
to hunt this harlequin girl

it's kill or be killed in the midnight dawn
it's rage and hopelessness
there is no discipline in this empty plane
just bad synth music and operatic failure
tell your stories to the clouds
and no one will notice the tears

you can only be empty for so long
before the world fills you up
with passion, ashes, bitterness and fear
with love and life and dreams
with love, the night glimmers

stars have no place in a world without hope
constellations gazing down at a girl without direction
the moon can watch her footsteps
and hide her sins
but the last light leaves her alone again




(c) 2014

Electric Ashes

A long time ago I was adrift
I was that hopeless girl with no direction
That was my truth

A long time ago I thought I was alone
I was a single atom among unknowable numbers
I was going to die alone
And all it did was get worse

I settled to a rhythm
I was a pale form of myself
I was a simple fairy tale in the wrong book

I was but ashes
Flickering.

My heart whispered to me
Open Sesame
And of a sudden I could see
My feet were carrying me along
And I don't want to lie
But I felt like I was flying
Down an escalator in a crowded hall

I suppose you could say that I was asleep
And the sound of water woke me
And the crazy green blood of a new dawn
So stop the world

All I want to say
Is written down in dust on a hundred thousand pages
Take the words from the air and speak them anew
But I don't want to tell the truth
Because in all these years the world has spun on
So I suppose you could say that I'm afraid

Last night I stood onstage
I was breathing the world around me
I was alive
I could feel the rightness in the world
I put it down to nerves
But the tingle that ran through me was electric

So when I wake up, and with a quilt and cocoa
And I want to watch the snow
Take a breath of the icy air
Listen to the silence

The silence speaks more words than I ever could
Not in a thousand lifetimes
Or with a million books

Every flake of icy white that falls
Says a few words
They say,



(c) 2014

Thoughts About You

You make me lose myself in music
because the notes sound like your voice

they haunt me when i sleep
i chase my dreams like fireflies
knowing i'll think of you for centuries

I turn the speakers up too loud
the hiss winds with the four songs i listen to
they're on repeat
and they're all about you

we are poisoned by our youth
our youth that kills us slowly
someday we'll be legends
remember these days
they're all we have

flaunt me among the dancing crowds
slit my throat with kisses
pull me asunder with licks of leather
this isn't just a dream anymore

we are the warriors of our own lives
fight and flight and gliding into sunrises
gazing at the stars

we prove ourselves daily
we shall ascend to the throne 

here we are, here we are
step follows step
and we're waltzing in the moonlight

(c) 2014

Dearest, You Captivate Me

this is it

the golden age

walking alone with my head in the clouds

running into your arms

done hiding from the world

you've captured me

in perfect synchronicity 

my hands dance

picking out a pattern

a song for the ages

shaped by lips that could hail the gods

i don't expect eternity 

we are but mortals

as i walk on

in the dark and filled with sighs

it's time to run

run with me

this race is possibility

you've captivated me

tomorrow is a day of thoughtful tears

shining in the rising sun

your eyes burn

i see you

it's like a window to my soul

bare and stark and full of demons

chasing my tail and wondering

thirty days of waiting

ten more of hope

i wonder

if you'll run with me

is there any chance

i could forget you

if i ever wanted to,

in the darkness filled with sighs

out by the shore

though...

when i close my eyes

all i see is a smile

i'm running

pale and cold in the ghostly light

of myriad stars above our heads

laughter and fears

i had lost my way

i never want to say

that the dreams i have are impossible

and they wouldn't be

you make me want to dance

and i can love the sound of the rain

with your hand in mine

i would never fall down

and these sentiments fall from pale lips

in a dark world

but your eyes

and the candyfloss hair

and we are shadows

in this cold and bitter night

the steady burst of life

light, and dreaming whispers in the dimness

sentiments i dare not voice

for i cannot find the words

but i'm running

come with me?

(c) 2014

One Good Reason

you say that you'd love to kiss me
hold me, wake beside me
i want to run away with you
give me one good reason to trust you
i don't expect the world
it's been a long time since i let go

i don't want to live anymore
i haven't for a long, long time
maybe this stone cold girl needs fire
i'm gonna grab you close
i'm gonna run away

but don't fuck with my love
don't fuck with my soul
it's empty and sinful
it's filled with pain enough for an army
i never intended for you to take me
not like this

give me darkness
i want to be on my own
keep me company in the rain
the droplets are red
none of us are saints
don't these scars speak ill of us all?

you say that you'd love to kiss me
hold me, wake beside me
i want to run away with you
give me one good reason to trust you
i don't expect the world
it's been a long time since i let go

i met you early in the year
when the fog was cold
and the wind made me want to disappear
maybe we never should have danced
maybe we never should have laughed

but don't fuck with my love
don't fuck with my soul
it's black enough as it is
it's filled with pain enough for an army
maybe there's something here
something more
i don't know

these smiles are porcelain and silver
glimmering softly with foolish hope
would that i could know the future
before i tried again
my resting place is in my own soul
i'm on fire
but i'm so cold

just hold me in your arms
sway to the music and blink out of existence
i don't want to keep going
but i don't want to die
enfold me close, and let me lean on you
gods know i need someone to trust
i'm standing in the rain
the drops are red

but don't fuck with my love
don't fuck with my soul
it's black enough as it is
it's filled with hope enough to kill me
maybe there's something here
something more
i don't know
it's raining and i'm looking up
i can see you in the clouds



(c) 2014

Witching Hour Dance

well now the war is here
say grace, hold on tight
we're all going to hell
might as well make it worth our while

we're all going to hell
trip trapping feet on a floor
dancing our way to the torment for sins untold
nobody's perfect

dying, asking, dreaming of heaven
i do so love to dance
you're my valentine and
we're dying

the questions we ask
of why and how and when
when we should be asking should we?
caring and desires
all pale when you think
the breaths that are our last

we're full of pennies and lies
perhaps we could be more
but could we really be something more than a dance
you're my mystery
it's a lovely infinity

but never though it could come to this
all the world gives is peace
and i can see the stars
we're dying

break down and sigh your wish
it's not coming back
lost in the fire of could be
a place for you and me to die

and now the war is here
and i'm glad i'm with you
and we're all going to hell
but it'll be fun
take my hand
hold me close, valentine
take me with you

dying, asking, i don't want to go
there's one more dance to be had
one more kiss

weakness is a virtue
and so is strength
but i'm gonna pick the music for this one
there's time for this later
the wishes and wanting
when we return from the ashes
crawling up from the pits of never
we'll wake up alone
you're my lightening
my valentine

tears won't do anything
and i wish you well
but the coals are hot
and we're all going to hell
and you're Cinderella at the ball
not just that
you're an infinite all

it takes a blink to die
and a lifetime to live
and take my hand
dance this jig
be carefree and smile
five minutes to midnight
and all i care about

is my witching hour
dancing
hands in mine




(c) 2014

A Memory

The trees left bare by soft licks of wind

listlessly twirling in a gentle dance

 you remember, you forget, the world spins on

graying mist and timeless wonder

and a memory of caramel eyes

and all there is 

are dreams to chase, and holes to fill

and souls to mend, and wind to brush

gentle droplets from the clouds

falling, falling, to your brow

this murmur, softly spoken, in the dawn

carries a word

a fear

a song

a name built by the strokes of a pen

a chance for the past to come again

to be renamed

and lightly thought of as Lilith wreathed in roses

with clamoring angels sighing amen

and these are the thoughts

in a midnight mind

caressed by breezes

on a hill

listlessly turning in a gentle dance

remembering that all there is

are the droplets of light

in the misty moon

and a memory of caramel eyes

(c) 2014

Harm

so they always say that the pain will fade away
we'll float on, change and heal
but with every passing day
the dread of renewal opens the gashes on my soul
remembered pain becoming entrancing
when will i float on? when will the time heal the wound?
the prophecies of mankind belie their actions
and the pain i've felt keeps its ugly head close
breaches in my walls
breaks in the barriers that keep me alive
these scars on my body have a number
and they mark the harm done by other men
i don't mean you, you left no scar
and maybe that's why i see you in my mind
when i think of the person i love most
so let me hold your hand in mine
and forget
and i would
but i can't
they say the pain will fade away
replaced by warmth and trust
but life isn't like a storybook
the dread of renewal opens the gashes on my soul
and my hope bleeds out onto the concrete
there are breaches in my walls
breaks in the barriers that keep me alive
you don't understand how dark it is inside
they say we all float on
and time heals all wounds
but i'm still sinking
and i'm still bleeding
and i've been treading a knife edge trying to keep breathing
and it's so hard
without you i'd be lost
but with you i'm afraid i'll lose myself
as i've done with everyone else
these scars on my body
are here for a reason, to bleed away the pain
i want to hold you and love you like you deserve
but i can't
and there have been an army of men
who have made me who i am
trampling me in the dirt
breaking my heart and spirit
again and again and again
i wish you could see inside my head
and understand my choices
i'm trying to drown out the screams
and the pain
and the horror of the has-been



(c) 2014

Trying So Hard

i'm trying so hard
not to fall in love
but the hand print on my heart
from where you held on so hard
i love you anyway
my mind is telling me no
to put these feelings away
in that little gray box in the corner of my labyrinth
but the hand print on my heart
from where you held on so hard
from where you ripped away
and found solace in the bosom of another
it's bleeding drops and rivers
and your name
still tastes so sweet on my tongue
and your eyes
still trace patterns on my skin
and your voice
still makes me shiver with hopeless longing
i'm trying so hard
not to fall in love
but it's too late
and always has been



(c) 2014

I'm Going Down

i'm not going to hide my face in shame
my philosophies are my own
my pain shapes my heart into a knot
my soul is torn and my body is bruised
but i'm not going to let go
i'm not going to let go
i'm not going to let the actions of others shape me
i'm not going to let myself fall apart
if i tell you the truth, remember i'm lying
when i close my eyes and tell you to go
i want you to stay
to help me cry alone in this imperfect world
i'm not going to hide my scars from your eyes
i'm going down fighting
spiraling in this joyride to hell
and i'm falling apart in the process
my heartbeat cracking its rhythm to the panic in my mind
and you haven't seen the best of me
but you haven't seen the worst
my soul is broken, my heart is shattered
my emotions are locked away
but i'm not going to let go
i'm going down fighting
travelling down my highway to hell
paving the road in blood and agony
but damn me if i sleep through my life
i won't give up
i'm going down fighting
blisters on my hands and tears in my eyes
if i tell you the truth, remember i'm lying
when i tell you to go, i want you to stay
and help me chase my nightmares
let's go down fighting
spiraling in this joyride to hell
let's kiss the world goodbye and
at the same time say hello
god damn if i ever let go
i'm on my highway to hell
and i'm going down fighting
and i'm breaking apart in the atmosphere
and i'm out of control
and you taste like the dreams i shattered
and the hearts i've broken
and i've left so many scars
and my soul is broken, my heart is shattered
i'm going down
i'm burning up
i'm giving in
to rage and sin
let's kiss the world goodbye
but i'm not going to let go
i'm going down fighting
with you beside me
and i've left so many scars
and i've broken down
and i've fought my way home
and i've cried rivers
and i've got you
i'm going down
i'm burning up
i'm giving in
to rage and sin
with you beside me


(c) 2014

I Love It

I love it.
The intimate caress of flavors
Bathing my tongue
Drawing patterns in sweetness and salt
Crisp sourness and things more bitter than hate
Oranges and lemons, and the peelings of a grapefruit
Vanilla and chocolate and sin.
I love it.
I want to bathe in scents
Tender, blushing apple
Clean, sweet apricot
Create a symphony on my lips
Wash away the taste of air
With the wind on my face
And rain in my hair
I want to taste the thunder
I love it.



(c) 2014

The Woman in Red

There’s a red clad woman dancing on the sidewalk

Her head is full of the glory of life

And she’s singing

Can’t you hear her singing?

She’s singing

Can’t you hear her sing?

People think she’s crazy

Her heart is burning, her head is pounding

Her eyes are full of liquid rage

How dare they, when they know nothing,

Criticize the life of someone they will never meet?

How dare they?

How dare they?

There’s a red clad woman dancing on the sidewalk,

Her head is full of screams

And she’s crying

Can’t you see her crying?

She’s crying

Can’t you see?

She feels alone in the world, her life over

She runs a blade across her skin

To let her horrors out

People think she’s sick

But they know nothing of her disease

She feels the wrath of a world alone

In solitude and mayhem

She wants freedom from her woes

She is on her own

How dare they?

There's a red clad woman singing in the rain

Her voice is soaring, soaring

And she's smiling
Can't you see her smiling?
She's smiling
Can't you see?

She's healing from her wounds
She can breathe again
She feels free from the pain she felt

People see her beauty, such beauty
They say she shines like the horizon

She feels like fire 

Aflame with dreams and passion

She has begun to sing anew

She is not alone
They dared to be kind
And she is saved

(c) 2014

Self Destruction

young blood, coursing though
innocent, soft red, pure
easily corrupted, changed
life always takes its toll
a push, a pull, forces
nailing our feet to the ground
heaping desires on the tender shoulders of youths
expectations, algorithms to determine
what we like, who we are, what we want
how we live
sickness is defined by freedom
freedom of thought makes us mentally ill
medicated, studied
our cries are silenced
our blood runs thick and dark
the innocence bled out

and so we self destruct-
we inflict pain on ourselves
cuts on our skin
marks showing the hell we're in
we grow up before our time,
jaded, unacknowledged, pained
seeking solace in self destruction
we remain alone
don't be different, don't dare
we claim equality, but are still persecuted
for our genders, for whom we love
deemed "too young" to know, we are "confused"
we've tasted our own blood from being struck
cried ourselves to sleep because of harsh words

and so we self destruct-
we've lost our innocence, it was taken
by a world where being honest about yourself
loving yourself, is treason
our youth, my generation, is destroyed
our youth, given over to degradation
told to grow up - they say they care
yet when you bring home the person you love
you are gone; your family closes the door
the locks are changed

and so we self destruct-
we don't have what we need
in a world that says we are equal
we are less than nothing
i fear for our children.


(c) 2014

Anguish

where have i failed?
this long march, and blood on my hands
rivers of regret
tag-teaming my mind
overwhelming in their anger

where have i failed?
failed myself, forming thoughts of lifeless languor
i'm falling

where have i failed?
time and tide against me
and all the marches of man and master
i must go on
through each moment
restless

but where did i go wrong?
sitting alone for so long
have i forgotten how to cry?
has this anger at the past consumed me,
left me a husk of tears unshed
that is how i feel

where have i failed?
my honey words desert me,
tears cannot fall
but my mind screams
where did i go wrong?



(c) 2014

Cobblestone dances

i'd love to see you wreathed in light
kissed by dawn, or late at night, the moon
i want to watch you come undone
and let the shadows wreath the sun
so let me look into your eyes
dancing, in the town square
freedom in footsteps on cobbles past midnight
gentle thrumming beats pounding in heart shaped kisses on the back of your hand
simple gown, transparent, effervescent
swirling in patterns that echo dreams
beautiful, serene.
cloudless skies look on in wonder; never could the stars outshine
never could the moon ponder in all its years
your beauty, that delicate glow
wreathed in a breathtaking alacrity you sigh
and the music sweeps us away
kinetic, jump and twirl, hardly notice the hours
blind to the world
to watch us come undone
while the moon looks on in wonder
let me look into your eyes




(c) 2014

Sometimes

sometimes there's a word on the tip of your tongue
heavy and dark and full of promise
stuttering there, trembling, waiting to fall, to be spoken.
sometimes the word is a name, so soft
filled with edges and consonants and gentle vowels
sometimes the word is just a word
simple, delicate, a rose on the edge of the world
about to fall, gravity reaching its slender fingers skyward
to grip and grasp and pull it down
sometimes the word is a vow
a trembling thing, so small, so frail, so weak
but let the seed grow and it will give you pause
and a reason to wake up, in a world of a heartless many
sometimes the word is just a thought
and an endless, formless, sightless terror
nameless and feared, and there will never be enough of us
of the compassionate few, to slay the dragon
sometimes the word is an idea
hiding in plain sight, behind a Guy Fawkes mask
with the endless determination of a madman
sometimes the word has no meaning, because it's been said too often
by the wrong mouths shaping the wrong voices
but...
sometimes the word is said
and the rose falls, to shatter on the pavement, and let the shards fall
and pierce a scream of a name
to chase away the terrors
and make a vow.


(c) 2013

God

Don’t try and guess my methods

Leave them lie and let them be

Just raise your hands and pray to me

Call my name; let it ring among the stars

My grace is in the breath of a world,

Insignificant among worlds

Tiny; just a speck of dust of the map of the sky

Raise your hands and pray to me

Say my name, scream it loud

Beg for mercy, love, a burial shroud

But fear me not – great is my love

Greater than the heat of suns

But like the universe itself, it will fade

Wake in the wonder of the worlds, but remember

I cannot grant you wishes

Nor create where there was emptiness

For I am not god

Nor am I God.

(c) 2014

Dystopia

cops walk the streets with electric weapons
looking for trouble
guilt measured by the color of skin
closed circuit cameras hidden on walls watch
but the eyes and the mouth are disjointed
the woman in the alley receives no help

the human is treated as a machine
sometimes it seems, it's illegal to breathe
running for a train, to catch a bus, a hairpin on a plane
suspicious
laughing too loud or walking alone
deadly

drowning in dystopia
like water, it's all around you
blink and you'll see it
have another pill, you'll forget you saw
if you dissent, you'll regret it
as the IV unit drips chemicals into your blood
remaking, reforming, changing
opinions kill in this wounded world

wear a mask, show a face, don't let them see
the freedom to feel and think; gone
if you transgress the norms and laws
all you have will be gone

the myriad complexities of human morality
the right of an identity
deleted.



(c) 2014

Countdown

strangers at the gate
counting down,
5, 4, 3, 2,
one more day, one more night
one day there will be nothing left
naught. nil. zero.
knock, knock, knock
good day, goodbye
tomorrow, hello
red dawn, red sky
5, 4, 3,
too many people, rushing around
welcome home
5, 4,
three more days till it's all
done and gone
done and gone
done and gone
return the silence, pacem,
let there be peace
5,
for us all to breathe
let it go, let it stay
let the rain wash it all away
screaming
it's too late, too early
five minutes left
the fire is raging past its limits
let it all, all go
let it all go away
close your eyes, don't worry
stop the tide, inhale
5, 4, 3, 2, 1,
sleep.



(c) 2014

Colors

you ask me, what do colors taste like?
i reply, like the times of day, but sweeter

Blue tastes like sugar before you fall asleep

Orange tastes like cinnamon bread,
and waking up late

White tastes like candied violets and catching,
the bus in the morning
heading to school,
with your breath misting

Green tastes like honey and,
the first time you find a blooming crocus
nestled in the grass

Yellow tastes like chocolates at five a.m.,
when the clouds are just
blushing pink

Black tastes like hot tea before bedtime,
silky and sweet and steaming

Red tastes like rose petals,
and caramel while you watch the stars
on the hill behind your house

Purple tastes like spun sugar,
spider webs,
dusted with nutmeg
in the hour after dawn

Pink is like a deep breath
of vanilla
by the fire
at midnight

Gray tastes like cigarettes in the cold,
under a streetlamp in a big city,
fanning smoke tracing patterns in the air
like white pencil and black paper
haunting

then there are colors like Verdigris, Orchid, Wisteria...
Burgundy, Olive, Warm Black, which is really
just a different sort of blue
they taste like rust and cherries
like blood and music

the color of unbleached silk
gentle, pale coral
tasting of pure and crystalline water
flowing from somewhere
arriving at a place, unknown

delicate yellows and a thousand shades of pink
colored from tumbleweed to turkish rose
restless, gentle
taste like the first mists of autumn
and silence.




(c) 2014