Pain's Nest

 I learned how to not care
I cut away the bits and pieces that did not serve 
My crusade of apathy 
I hid my heart in a box
Hid my soul behind glass walls a meter thick
So everyone could see it 
But never get close enough to touch 

I cut myself off from friend and foe
Kept mum on all my problems 
I shut off my tears 
Put on a false smile I wore, 
Painted like a canvas 
For years my lips curled empty
And my eyes hollow to nothing 
And I laugh often 
And I laugh to hide 
And it works 

When the stars I could not help but love came close 
Shone on my heart like the brush of a master
I hid still more 
Like a woodlouse I curled in, tucked my legs into my carapace 
I did not understand this love 
The delicacy, the kindness, the joy
And I did not trust this love
Instead I waited for shoes to drop 
And pain to come
And then I made pain a nest 
In my own heart 
And still there it lies 


(c) 2020